Life

When we are growing up the things that we want to do with our lives usually never come to pass. When I was growing up I wanted to be an architect. I wanted to build beautiful homes. When my father would mow the grass it was my job to rake the clippings. I would rake them up into house plans. As I grew I still knew that was what I wanted to be. After high school I became a mom. I never did follow my dream of building beautiful homes. Taking care of my daughter became my career. I took small part time jobs so that I would be home with her. I worked for a daycare center, serve lunches in the school, did tutoring for high school at risk students, drove a bus, worked in a library. My daughter grew, and feeling a bit unfulfilled I wanted to school, but life stood in the way again. I became pregnant with my second child. Again I put my dreams on hold for my children. I took a job at a daycare center when she got a bit older and drove a bus for them again. Soon I found that I was expecting again. My life again on hold for my children. I went to work at nights so that I could be with them during the day. Soon it got to be to much to deal with and I went on with my life. My daughters grew, one graduated from high school and went on to college. The others started school. Now I sit here at a cross roads of my life, having filed for divorce. What am I to do? Where am I to go? Can I afford to go back to school and find a job to support me and my girls or is it just another pie in the sky? Life deals you a hand sometimes its a good one but sometimes its a bad one. Right now I am trying to figure out should I play the hand that was dealt or just fold. At 43 years of age can I learn to stand on my own. I never have really lived on my own before. I was always living the life of a mother and wife. Who am I is a question I ask myself often. Am I worth what others see in me.

Divorce Sucks

After being separated from the royal Dipshit for over 6 years I filed for divorce. Not an easy task for one. I would not suggest for anyone to go into this lightly either. Dipshit and I have shared the same house for the last 6 years. Why? Well for one I had no money to file. He sure wasn't going to do so cause he likes things just as they are. The other reason was I really didn't want to uproot my girls and not have some plan in place. After living the way how I have been living for the last few years I had to make my move. I tried talking to the Dipshit about how we were going to do this but he is a bit like an ostrich and sticks his head in the sand hoping that things will go the way how he wants. One of the things that he wanted is joint custody, fine with me they are his children too. I don't plan on keeping them from him. The other is that he wants me to split the bills. Whoa Nelly I am to pay half of his truck, credit cards and such his. Half of $10000 that I never had a hand in? I don't think so. I do think that he thinks that I will roll over and be the nice one and say okay. Hell I have my own bills too. And with me not working it makes things even harder. I do know that I want this over with soon. I have to move on with my life, my wants, and my needs.

It has been a long time.

Wow it has been a long time since I wrote a blog. Well a bit of catchup. I spent Thanksgiving with Wood. Spent Christmas with Wood and told Dipshit I want to go on with my life. I got old in December. Talked with a lawyer about things. and that is about it. There you are all caught up.